Muffin Snuffler, the White House cleaner, is polishing the floor in the Oval Office one day, when he looks up at George Washington’s portrait and sees the lips moving.

Shocked and a little frightened, Muffin edges closer to the portrait and listens to America’s hero speak.

“Bring me a horse!” commands Washington. “I am going to put this country in order!”

Muffin races out of the office and bumps  straight into President George Bush. “Mr President, sir,” he screams, “George Washington’s portrait just spoke to me!”

“Don’t be an idiot! ” snaps Bush. “Pictures don’t talk!” And he walks into
the Oval Office and over to the painting.

But before he reaches it, George Washington speaks again, ” Hey, Muffin!” shouts Washington, “I told you to bring me a horse — not a donkey! “

Dick Cheney walks into the Oval Office and sees The President whooping and hollering.

” What’s the matter, Mr. President?” – The Vice President inquired.

“Nothing at all, boss. I just done finished a jigsaw puzzle in record time.” The President beamed.

“How long did it take you?” – The Vice President inquired.

“Well, the box said ’3 to 5 Years’ but I did it in a month!” – replied the president.

Bill Clinton was arriving back to the White House from a trip to Arkansas with a pig under each arm. A secret serviceman greeted him.
“Nice pigs, sir!”
“Thank you. Though these are no ordinary pigs — they’re Arkansas Razorbacks! I got one for Hillary and one for Chelsea.”
“Nice trade, sir!”

At a recent interview, it seems that Bill Clinton broke out in rage after being asked a line of questions about him being controlled.
Interviewer: “Who pulls your strings, Bill? What special interests control you?”
Clinton (visibly upset): “You leave Hillary out of this!”

If con is the opposite of pro, then congress is the opposite of progress?

George Bush is so stupid, he’s still looking for a corner in his Oval Office.

* The process becomes more important than the product

* You don’t see anything wrong with attending a meeting on a subject you know nothing about

* You feel you contributed to the meeting just by being there

* You stop raising issues/problems because you know you will be the one answering them You fly first class across the country to attend a conference with 100+ people to discuss the fact that the project does not have enough money

* You work for an acronym, on an acronym, and your job title is an acronym

* You understand the rationalization of an acronym composed of acronyms

* You know that the location of a meeting is directly related to its importance. (1) A meeting at Fort Hood requires a subordinate or a contractor (2) The same meeting at Lake Tahoe requires your personal attention

* You’ve sat at the same desk for 3 years, done the same thing for 3 years, but have had 3 different business cards

How many republicans does it take to change a lightbulb?
Three. One to change the bulb, one to call the media to publicize it, and one to blame the electric bill on the democrats.

Here’s what the heck they mean in the Lone Star State…

The engine’s runnin’ but ain’t nobody driving = Not too smart

As welcome as a skunk at a lawn party = An unwelcome person

Tighter than bark on a tree = Stingy

Big hat, no cattle = All talk, no action

We’ve howdied but we ain’t shook yet = We’ve met, but haven’t been formally introduced

He thinks the sun come up just to hear him crow = He thinks his s#%! doesn’t stink

She’s got tongue enough for ten rows of teeth = She’s a talker

It’s so dry the trees are bribin’ the dogs = Rain would be nice

Just because a chicken has wings doesn’t mean it can fly = Appearances can be deceiving

This ain’t my first rodeo = I’ve been around the block

He looks like the dog’s been keepin’ him under the porch = U-G-L-Y

They ate supper before they said grace = They’re living in sin

Time to paint your butt white and run with the antelope = Stop arguing and do as you’re told

As full of wind as a corn-eating horse = A braggart

You can put your boots in the oven, but that doesn’t make them biscuits = You can say whatever you want, but that doesn’t change a thing