IRELAND
“Are you magically delicious or just angry and drunk? This beer is black- did
a leprechaun crap in it?”

FRANCE
“Can I get a side of Freedom Fries with that? Aren’t the French just Germans
who can make sauces?”

ITALY
“Is the Pope Polish? Does he have super powers like Jesus? I could sure go for
a can of Spaghetti-O’s! ”

POLAND
“Do you hire foreigners to screw in your lightbulbs?”

GERMANY
“Is this bratwurst kosher?”

TURKEY
“Where’s the hash at? It’s cool to recreationally slaughter Kurds?”

KOREA
“Can you watch my puppy for a minute, or must you people deep fry him?”

CHINA
“This wall isn’t so great.”

ENGLAND
“Did you ever get a piece of ass from that Diana chick?”

SWEDEN
“Do you have any normal meatballs? Want to hear a dumb blonde joke?”

YEMEN
“Yemen? That’s a stupid name for a country. What’s it mean — ‘Land Of
Fanatics And Dust’ ?”

INDIA
“You don’t live in teepees? Where can I get a good juicy steak around here?”

ETHIOPIA
“After a long day of travel, I’m famished. Hey – those flies sure love your
pregnant son!”

CANADA
“You’re like Americans without money.”

SPAIN
“So, this is the country that’s not Portugal? Wow. Your women can shave if
they want to, right? Where can I get some Cheez Whiz nachos?”

SOUTH AFRICA
“I liked it better the other way.”

MEXICO
“What’s that smell?”

SAUDI ARABIA
“Would you like to see my designs for a solar powered car? Is it legal to beat
your wives here, or what?”

RUSSIA
“Is it always this cold and economically devastated?”

UZBEKISTAN
“Can you spell Uzbekistan?”

GREECE
“I hear this place is a less expensive version of Italy.

According to inside contacts, the Japanese banking crisis shows no signs of
stopping.  If anything, it’s getting worse.

Following last week’s news that Origami Bank had folded, we are hearing
that Sumo Bank has gone belly up and Bonsai Bank plans to cut back some of its
branches.  Karaoke Bank is up for sale and is (you guessed it!) going for a
song.

Meanwhile, shares in Kamikaze Bank have nose-dived and 500
back-office staff at Karate Bank got the chop.  Analysts report that there is
something fishy going on at Sushi Bank and staff there fear they may get a raw
deal.

“As far as I’m concerned, war always means failure.”
- Jacques Chirac, President of France.
“As far as France is concerned, you’re right.”
- Rush Limbaugh.
“What do you expect from a culture and a nation that exerted more of its
national will fighting against Disney World and Big Macs than the Nazis?”
- Dennis Miller.
“You know why the French don’t want to bomb Saddam Hussein? Because he hates
Americans, he loves mistresses and wears a beret. He is French, people.”
- Conan O’Brien.

Why did the chicken cross the road?
Plato: for the greater good.
Karl Marx: It was historical inevitability.
Douglass Adams: 42.
Oliver North: National security was at stake.
Darwin: It was the next logical step after coming down from the trees. Earnest
Hemmingway: To die. In the rain.
Saddam Hussein: It was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tonnes of nerve gas on it.
Ronald Regan: I forget.
Jack Nicholson: ‘Cause it f—–g wanted to. That’s the f—-g reason.  Mark
Twain: The news of it’s crossing has been greatly exagerated.
Mr T: If you saw me coming, you’d cross the road too.

Why do Iraqis only have 2 pallbearers at their funerals?
Becasue garbage cans only have 2 handles.

What’s faster than the speed of light?
An Afghani with a dinner ticket.

What do you call 20 dead frenchmen in the back of a lorry.
A good days hunting.

What do you call 100,000 Frenchmen with their hands up?
Their army!

What does a leprechaun call a happy man wearing green?
A jolly green giant.

One fine day in Ireland, a guy is out golfing and gets up to the 16th hole. He
tees up and cranks one. Unfortunately, it goes into the woods on the side of the
fairway.
He goes looking for his ball and comes across this little guy with this huge
knot on his head, and the golf ball lying right beside him. “Goodness,” says the
golfer, and proceeds to revive the poor little guy.

Upon awaking, the little guy says, “Well, you caught me fair and square. I am
a leprechaun. I will grant you three wishes.”

The man says, “I can”t take anything from you, I”m just glad I didn”t hurt
you too badly,” and walks away.

Watching the golfer depart, the leprechaun thinks, “Well, he was a nice enough
guy, and he did catch me, so I have to do something for him. I”ll give him the
three things that I would want. I”ll give him unlimited money, a great golf
game, and a great love life.”

Well, a year goes past and the same golfer is out golfing on the same course
at the 16th hole. He gets up and hits one into the same woods and goes off
looking for his ball. When he finds the ball he sees the same little guy and
asks how he is doing.

The leprechaun says, “I”m fine, and might I ask how your golf game is?”

The golfer says, “It’’s great! I hit under par every time.”

The leprechaun says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your money is
holding out?”

The golfer says, “Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in
my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note.”

The leprechaun smiles and says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your
love life is?” The leprechaun says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how
your money is holding out?”

The golfer says, “Well, now that you mention it, every time I put my hand in
my pocket, I pull out a ten pound note.”

The leprechaun smiles and says, “I did that for you. And might I ask how your
love life is?”

The golfer looks at him a little shyly and says, “Well, I have a date maybe
once or twice a week.”

The leprechaun is floored and stammers, “Only once or twice a week?!”

The golfer, a little embarrassed, looks at him and says, “Well, that’’s not
too bad for a Catholic priest in a small parish.”