Old Zeb, the back-woods Virginia farmer,
has been screwing one of his favorite pigs for years. Suddenly, Zeb is hit
by pangs of guilt and conscience that torture him so much he decides to go
and tell the priest about it in confession. Father Fungus is shocked and he
really does not know how to handle this one.
“Well,” says the priest to old Zeb, “tell me, is the pig male or female?”
“She is female, of course,” snorts Zeb. “What do you think I am ….. some kind
of a pervert?”

A rich farmer had been trying desperately to marry off his daughters. One day he met Mulla Nasrudin. “I have several daughters,” the farmer told the Mulla. “I would like to see them comfortably fixed. And I will say this, they won’t go to their husbands without a little bit in the bank, either. The youngest one is twenty-three and she will take  25,000 tk with her. The next one is thirty-two, and she will take 50,000 tk with her. Another is forty-three and she will take 75,000 tk with her.” “That’s interesting,” said Nasrudin. “I was just wondering if you have one about fifty years old.”

A bus filled with politicians was driving through the countryside one day, on the campaign trail. The bus driver, caught up in the beautiful scenery,loses control and crashes into the ditch. A farmer living nearby hears the horrible crash and rushes out to discover the wreckage. Finding the politicians, he buries them.

The next day, the police come to the farm to question the man. “So you buried all the politicians?” asked the police officer. “Were they all dead?”

The farmer answered, “Some said they we are not, but you know how politicians lie.”

A scientist gets on a train to go to New York. His cabin also has a poor farmer in it. To pass the time the scientist decides to play a game with the guy.

“I will ask you a question and if you get it wrong, you have to pay me one dollar. Then you ask me a question, and if I get it wrong, you get ten dollars. You ask me a question first.”

The farmer thinks for a while.

“I know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to climb up a palm tree, and ten seconds to get back down?”

The scientist is confused and thinks long and hard about the question. Finally, the train ride is coming to an end. As it pulls into the station, the scientist takes out ten dollars and gives it to the farmer.

“I don’t know. What has three legs, takes ten hours to get up a palm tree and ten seconds to get back down?”

The farmer takes the ten dollars and puts it into his pocket. He then takes out one dollar and hands it to the scientist.

“I do not know.”

A farmer says to his wife: “If you had bigger tits, I would get rid of the cow!”

Wife replies: “If you had a bigger cock, I would get rid of the tractor driver!”

The hay wagon had upset in the road and the young driver, Mulla Nasrudin, was terribly worried about it. A kindhearted farmer told the young fellow to forget his troubles and come in and have some supper with his family. “Then we will straighten up the wagon,” the farmer said. The Mulla said he didn’t think his father would like it. “Oh, don’t worry about that,” said the farmer. “Everything will be all right.” So Nasrudin stayed for supper. Afterwards he said he felt better and thanked the farmer. “But,” he said, “I still don’t think my father will like it.” “Forget it,” said the farmer. “By the way,” he added, “Where is your father?” “He is under the hay!” said Nasrudin.

A blond died her hair brown because she was tired of being picked on,

She was driving along the countryside when she got a bright idea and stopped at a nearby farm. she said to the farmer “If i can tell you how many sheep you have in total can I have one?”

“ok” said the farmer, so she quickly counted them and said 91. The farmer looked around astonished and said “alright take one”

As she was walking back to her car the farmer said “If i can guess your natural hair colour can i have my dog back?”

Where did the farmer take the pigs on Saturday afternoon?
He took them to a pignic.

A TV INTERVIEW WHICH WAS NEVER AIRED ….

You know there are so many TV channels, each starved for new programs. In a rural program for farmers, a female TV reporter seeking the main cause of Mad Cow disease, arranged for an interview with a farmer who may have some theories on the matter….

The interview was as follows: …..

The lady reporter : “I am here to collect information on the possible sources of Mad Cow Disease.. Can you offer any reason for this disease ? ”

The farmer  stared at the reporter and said: ………….. “Do you know that a bull mounts a cow only once a year ? ”

Reporter (obviously embarrassed): “Well, sir, that’s a new piece of information…but what’s the relation between this phenomenon and Mad Cow disease?”

Farmer : “And, madam, do you know that we milk a cow twice a day ? ”

Reporter : “Sir, this is really valuable information, but what about getting to the point ? ”

Farmer : “I am getting to the point, madam. Just imagine, if I was playing with your tits twice a day…. and only screwing you once a year, wouldn’t you get mad ? ”

The program was never aired…..