Smart man + Smart woman = Romance
Smart man + Dumb woman = Affair
Dumb man + Smart woman = Marriage
Dumb man + Dumb woman = Pregnancy

A Polish man was taking a flight on a commercial airliner. The airliner had 4 engines, which is quite normal. About an hour into the flight, a loud BOOM occurred.

The flight attendant came over the intercom and said, “Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown an engine, but there is no need to worry. We still have three engines, I repeat, we still have three engines.”

Everyone stayed calm.

About another hour later, another boom.

The flight attendant comes over the intercom. “Ladies and gentlemen, we have blown another engine, but there is no need to worry! We still have two more engines to go!”

The people stayed calm.

An hour later, the same situation. Now only one engine remained.

Then, the Polish man stood up and said outloud, “Man! If this keeps up, we could be up here all day!”

While riding one day, a cowboy met an Indian riding along with a dog and a sheep and he began a conversation. Cowboy: “Hey, nice dog you got there. Mind if I speak to him?”Indian: “Dog no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey dog, how’s it going?”

Dog: “Doin’ alright.”

Indian:( Look of shock )

Cowboy:”Is this Indian your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )

Dog: “Yep.”

Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”

Dog: “Real good. He walks me twice a day, feeds me great food, and takes me to the lake once a week to play.”

Indian:( Look of disbelief )

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your horse?”

Indian: “Horse no talk.”

Cowboy: “Hey horse, how’s it going?”

Horse: “Good.”

Indian:( Extreme look of shock )

Cowboy: “Is this your owner?” ( Pointing at the Indian )

Horse: “Yep.”

Cowboy: “How does he treat you?”

Horse: “Pretty good, thanks for asking. He rides me regularly, brushes me down often, and keeps me in a shed to protect me.”

Indian:( Complete look of utter amazement )

Cowboy: “Mind if I talk to your sheep?”

Indian: “Sheep liar.”

A woman goes to a psychiatrist and says, ”Doctor, you’ve got to do something about my husband — he thinks he’s a refrigerator!””I wouldn’t worry too much about it,” the doctor replies. ‘Lots of people have harmless delusions. It will pass.”

”But you don’t understand,” the woman insists. ”He sleeps with his mouth open, and the little light keeps me awake.”

2000 B.C. – Here, eat this root.
1000 A.D. – That root is heathen, say this prayer.
1850 A.D. – That prayer is superstition, drink this potion.
1940 A.D. – That potion is snake oil, swallow this pill.
1985 A.D. – That pill is ineffective, take this antibiotic.
2003 A.D. – That antibiotic is artificial. Here, eat this root.

The elderly man told his wife he was going to sign up for social security. She says, ‘You can’t do that, you lost your birth certificate.’
He says, ‘Oh I’ll talk them into it.’So when he returns the next day, he is all smiles and says, ‘I’m all signed up and no problems.’ ‘
Well, how did you do that?’ she asks.
He replies, ‘I took off my shirt and showed her all the gray hair on my chest, and showed her all the gray hair on my head.’
The wife states, ‘Well, why didn’t you drop your pants, we could have gotten disability.’

A teacher asks her class, “If there are 5 birds sitting on a fence and you shoot one of them, how many will be left?”She calls on little Johnny. He replies, ”None, they all fly away with the first gun shot”

The teacher replies “The correct answer is 4, but I like your thinking.”

Then Little Johnny says “I have a question for YOU. There are three women sitting on a bench having ice cream: One is delicately licking the sides of the triple scoop of ice cream. The second is gobbling down the top and sucking the cone. The third is biting off the top of the ice cream. Which one is married?”

A blonde goes into a library and says, “Hello. I’m here to see the doctor.”The librarian replies, “This is a library.”
So the blonde lowers her voice and says, “Oh sorry!” Then whispers, “I’m here to see the doctor.”

Three old ladies are sitting in a diner, chatting about various things. One lady says, “You know, I’m getting really forgetful. This morning, I was standing at the top of the stairs, and I couldn’t remember whether I had just come up or was about to go down.”The second lady says, “You think that’s bad? The other day, I was sitting on the edge of my bed and I couldn’t remember whether I was going to sleep or had just woken up!

The third lady smiles smugly, “Well, my memory is just as good as it’s always been, knock on wood,” she says as she raps on the table. Then with a startled look on her face, she asks, “Who’s there?”

1. They always wear protection
2. They have great hands
3. They are used to scoring
4. They have great stamina
5. They find the opening and get it in
6. They never miss the target
7. They know how to use their wood
8. They have long sticks
9.They know when to play rough
10. Because baseball players only know how to hit balls.