A famous statistician would never travel by airplane, because he had studied air travel and estimated the probability of there being a bomb on any given flight was 1 in a million, and he was not prepared to accept these odds. One day a colleague met him at a conference far from home. “How did you get here, by train?”

“No, I flew”

“What about your theory on the possibility of a bomb?”

“Well, I began thinking that if the odds of one bomb are 1:million, then the odds of TWO bombs are (1/1,000,000) x (1/1,000,000).

This is a very, very small probability, which I can accept. So, now I bring my own bomb along!”

A man driving home late at night in his Volkswagen beetle car was stopped by a policemen on patrol.

The police asked the man to produce his car document.

When they could not fault the document, the next question to the man was: “My friend, do you realize that you committed a criminal offense by driving alone in this car at late night?”

The man became angry and responded: “How could you say that? God the father, the son and holy spirit, prophet Elijah and Angels Micheal and Gabriel are all with me in the Car.”

The policeman replied: “You mean, all these people are in this small car? I charge you for overloading!”

A young man in a public swimming pool was startled when his swimsuit fell off. He was in the deep end, and couldn’t find it, no matter how desperately he looked.

Perplexed, he went to the shallow end and tried to figure out what to do.

As he stood there up to his chest in water and watched the young ladies in their bikinis, he was additionally stressed to realize that he now sported a raging hard on.

Finally, he struck up a course of action. He jumped violently out of the water and shouted loudly, “Mad dog! Mad dog!”

Although most of the others in the pool began screaming in fear, a lusty redhead took a more direct course of action.

She tore off her bikini bottoms, flattened him on the ground and straddled him yelling, “Quick! Let me muzzle that son of a b*tch before it gets away!”

Well, there was this blonde who just got sick and tired of all the blonde jokes. So one evening she went home and memorized all the state capitals.

Back in the office the next day, some guy started telling a dumb blonde joke. She interrupted him with a shrill announcement,

“I’ve had it up to here with these blonde jokes. I want you to know that this blonde went home last night and did something probably none of you could do…I memorized all the state capitals.”

One of the guys, of course, said “I don’t believe you. What is the capital of Nevada?”

“N”, she answered.

Because of a minor infraction, a shipmate aboard the USS Reeves, bound for Japan, was busted one rank, fined and given extra duty for three weeks.

Looking forward to celebrating his 21st birthday on November 17, he consoled himself every night during his extra duty by reciting, “They can bust me, they can fine me — but they can’t take away my birthday.”

As November 17 approached, his excitement increased. When he went to bed on November 16, he happily repeated, “They can bust me, they can fine me — but they can’t take away my birthday.”

The next morning, he found out that the ship had crossed the international date line — and it was November 18.

Q: How are the main parts of the body categorized?

A: The body is consisted into three parts – the brainium, the borax and the abdominal cavity.

The brainium contains the brain; the borax contains the heart and lungs, and the abdominal cavity contains the five bowels A, E, I, O, and U.

A man awakes to find himself lying by the side of a desolate country road. As he regains his bearings, he discovers that he has no memory of who he is or how he came to be there. As he stumbles about unsure of himself, a genie appears beside him and says “What is your third wish, master?”

Confused, the man asks “Who are you and why can’t I remember anything?”

“I am your genie,” the genie replies. “You are here because your second wish was to forget who you are and to be taken far away from everything you once knew. Now, my master, what is your third wish?”

“My third wish,” answers the man, “Is to remember everything about who I am.”

The genie laughs.

” What’s so funny ? “, asks the man.

The genie replies, ” That was your first wish. “

Two Yupettes were shopping. When they started to discuss their home lives.

One said, “Seems like all Alfred and I do anymore is fight. I’ve been so upset I’ve lost 20 pounds.”

“Why don’t you just leave him then?” asked her friend.

“Oh! Not yet.”  the first replied, ” I would like to lose at least another fifteen pounds first.”

Friend: How many women do you believe must a man marry?

Mr. Bean: 16

Friend: Why?

Mr. Bean: Because the priest says 4 richer, 4 poorer, 4 better and 4 worse.