Two blonde women are talking..

First Blonde: You know, yesterday, I cheated on my husband.

Second Blonde: Did you do it for money or for love?

First Blonde: For love of course, because you know $300 is not really money anymore.

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replies in a huff, “I wish you guys would get your act together. Just yesterday you take away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you!”

A blonde was terribly overweight, so her doctor put her on a diet.

Doctor Said – “I want you to eat regularly for 2 days, then skip a day, and repeat this procedure for 2 weeks. The next time I see you, you’ll have lost at least 5 pounds.”

When the blonde returned, she shocked the doctor by losing nearly 20 pounds.

Doctor – “What, That’s amazing. Did you follow my instructions?”

The blonde nodded – “I will tell you though, I thought I was going to drop dead that 3rd day.”
Doctor – “From hunger, You mean?”

The blonde – “No, From skipping.”

A gorgeous young redhead goes into the doctor’s office and said that her body hurt wherever she touched it.

” Impossible! ” – says the doctor. ” Show me. ”

The redhead took her finger, pushed on her left breast and screamed, then she pushed her elbow and screamed in even more.

She pushed her knee and screamed -  likewise she pushed her ankle and screamed. Everywhere she touched made her scream.

The doctor said, ” You are not really a redhead, are you ? ”

” Well, no ” she said, ” I am actually a blonde.”

” I thought so ” -  the doctor said. ” Your finger is broken.”

A police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asks her very nicely if he could see her license.

She replied in a huff, “I wish you guys could get your act together.

Just yesterday one of you takes away my license and then today you expect me to show it to you?”

Two blonde’s have a sleepover and the next day after the sleepover at school one of the blonde’s says to the other

“You left your phone at mine yesterday, I tried to ring and tell you but you wouldn’t answer! “

A Blonde walks into a bank in New York City and asks for the loan officer. She says She is going to Europe on business for two weeks and needs to borrow $5,000. The bank officer says the bank will need some kind of security for such a loan, so the Blonde hands over the keys to a new Rolls Royce parked in the street in front of the bank. Everything checks out, and the bank agrees to accept the car as collateral for the loan. An employee drives the Rolls into the bank’s underground garage and parks it there.

Two weeks later, the Blonde returns, repays the $5,000 and the interest, which comes to $15.41.

The loan officer says, “We are very happy to have had your business, and this transaction has worked out very nicely, but we are a little puzzled. While you were away, we checked you out and found that you are a multimillionaire.

What puzzles us is why would you bother to borrow $5,000?”

The Blonde replied, ” Where else in New York can I park my car for two weeks for 15 bucks?”

Two blonde women were talking….

First Women: You know, yesterday  I cheated on my husband.
Second Women: Did you do it for money or for love?
First Women: For love of course. Cause you know $300 is not really money anymore…

A man was in his front yard when his blonde neighbor came out of the house and went straight to the mailbox. She opened it then slammed it shut and stormed back into the house.

A little later she came out of her house again, went to the mailbox and again opened it, and slammed it shut again, harder than ever.

The man asked her, “Is something wrong?

Blonde replied – My computer keeps saying, ” Youve got mail.. no I Don’t “

In an alcohol factory the regular taster died and the director started looking for a new one to hire. A drunkard with ragged, dirty look came to apply for the position.
The director of the factory wondered how to send him away.
They tested him.
They gave him a glass with a drink. He tried it and said,
“It’s red wine, a muscat, three years old, grown on a north slope, matured in steel containers.”
“That’s correct”, said the boss.
Another glass.
“It’s red wine , cabernet, eight years old, a southwestern slope, oak barrels.”
“Correct.”

The director was astonished.

He winked at his secretary to suggest something.
She brought in a glass of urine. The alcoholic tried it.
“It’s a blond, 26 years old, pregnant in the third month.
And if you don’t give me the job, I’ll tell who’s the father!”