An Englishman once asked Mahatma Gandhi

“Why do you Indians have different coloured skins? Look at us, we all have the same colour”.

Gandhi replied, “Thoroughbred horses have different colours, but all donkeys have the same colour.”

Four delegates from China, Russia, the United States and Malaysia attended the United Nations’ Meeting. All the nations were discussing about space exploration by the year 2000. Here are some of the conversations:

China Delegate: ‘By the year 2000, China will start their moon exploration project. ‘

Russian Delegate: ‘ We too, we are going to explore the moon. This time we will see to it that our cosmonauts will step on the moon.’

Bill Clinton: ‘ We the United States will also explore the moon for second time.’

Malaysian Delegate: ‘By the year 2000, Malaysia will explore the sun.’

There was a long silence, Bill Clinton stood up and asked the Malaysia Delegate: ‘ Isn’t it too hot to explore the sun?’

Malaysian Delegate (smiling): ‘I had this thought out already. We will do it in the evening.’

Asian guy is having his “SNACK” ( bread and jam) when an American man chuckling chewing gum, sits down next to him. The Asian ignores the American who, nevertheless, starts a conversation.

American: “You Asian folks eat the whole bread??”

Asian (in a bad mood): “Of course.”

American: (after blowing a huge bubble) “We don’t. In the States, we only eat what’s inside. The crusts we collect in a container, recycle it, transform them
into croissants and export them to Asia.”

The American has a smirk on his face. The Asia listens in silence.

The American persists: “D’ya eat jelly with the bread??”

Asian : “Of Course.”

American: (cracking his gum between his teeth and chuckling). “We don’t. In the States we eat fresh fruit for breakfast, then we put all the peels, seeds, and leftovers in containers, recycle them, transform them into jam and export them to Asia .”

The Asian ( pissed of) then asks: “Do you have sex in America?”

American: “Why of course we do”, the American says with a big smirk.

Asian : And what do you do with the condoms once you’ve used them?”

American: “We throw them away, of course.”

Asian : “We don’t. In Asia, we put them in a container, recycle them, melt them down into chewing gum and export them to America.

It was a hot day and a Hollywood star told a visiting Asian actor he knew of a secluded place where they can go skinny dipping.

While they were enjoying the cool water, a busload of women suddenly appeared. Both men made a beeline for their towels. The Hollywood star wrapped his towel around his waist, while the Asian actor wrapped his towel around his head. There was a great deal of laughter coming from the women. They were hysterical.

Afterwards, when there was only the two of them, the Hollywood star asked his guest why he wrap his towel around his head, instead of around his waist and he replied, Where I come from we identify with our faces .

This guy is out golfing with his buddy one day and he says, “Man I haven’t gotten laid in what seems like forever. I don’t know what it is I’m just not getting any.” So his buddy says, “Hey man I’ll lend you my Asian cleaning lady. She’ll come in give you a beer, clean your house, fuck the hell out of you, and best of all she can’t speak a word of English.” So the guys like really man you mean it? And his buddy says,

“Yeah sure I’ll send her over tomorrow.”

So the next day this guy is at home and this cleaning lady shows up.

She hands him a beer, goes about cleaning his house, and when she’s done stands over him and undresses. So they start going at it and she starts screaming “SAMPOWHY, SAMPOWHY!!!” And of course he starts thinking he’s like super stud to get the lady to scream like that.

The next day he’s feeling all good about himself and he’s out golfing with his buddy again. On his first shot he hits a hole in one and just to rub it in he yells, “SAMPOWHY!” And his buddy looks at him and says what do you mean wrong hole?

10. Never got comfortable with the rule about she and Dan showering together

9. During newscasts, kept mistakenly calling Bill Clinton “Jed Clampett”

8. She’s going to be Mrs. Larry King #9

7. Wants to devote herself full-time to taking care of her pregnant husband, Maury

6. Tired of Dan laughing whenever she said the phrase “penal code”

5. Same reason that those who could left the Titanic

4. CBS forcing her to change name to Dr. Chung, Anchor Woman

3. Woke up one morning and thought: “Oh my God. I’m on CBS!”

2. Two years co-anchoring with Dan and still no baby

1. Her last two paychecks bounced

Question: How many Republic presidential candidates from 2000 did it take to screw in a light bulb ?

Answer: It doesn’t matter whether the bulb is changed or not; it only matters that the new bulb was made in the US of A. Taiwan and South Korea have put up massive barriers to importing US light bulbs; we’ll see how they like it when their bulbs cost $10,000 to screw in here.

There’s a plane flying over the Atlantic, with six passengers: a Frenchman, a pregnant French woman, an Englishman, a pregnant English woman, an Australian, and a pregnant Asian-Australian woman.
Lightning strikes both wings, and the plane is going out of control. The pilot rushes up to the passengers, and says “I’m sorry, but there’s only 4 parachutes. As I’m the pilot, it’s essential that I get back to tell everyone what happened to the plane; you’ll have to work out who gets the other three parachutes”, so saying, he jumps out of the plane, opens his parachute and floats down to the ground.
The Frenchman looks at the pregnant French woman, and says “France needs more Frenchmen, therefore I do this for my country” and he jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Englishman looks at the pregnant English woman, and says “I do this for my country”, and jumps out of the plane without a parachute. The Australian looks at the pregnant Asian-Australian woman, and says “I do this for my country”, and pushes her out of the plane.

A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, “If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha’ and you will be saved.”

The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, “Buddha oh Buddha,” and a hand came out and saved him.

He said, “Thank God,” and he was dropped.

A panda walks into a restaurant, sits down, and orders a sandwich. He eats the sandwich, pulls out a gun, and shoots the waiter dead.

As the panda stands up to go, the manager shouts, Hey! Where are you going? You just shot my waiter and you didn’t pay for your sandwich!”

The panda yells back at the manager, “Hey, man, I’m a PANDA! Look it up!”

The manager opens his dictionary and sees the following definition for panda: A tree-dwelling marsupial of Asian origin, characterized by distinct black and white coloring. Eats shoots and leaves.